Family Resource Centre

Bringing Peace to Sibling Rivalry

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Did you know that 82% of kids live with a sibling (1), and about 75% of 70-year-olds have a living sibling (2)? For those of us who have brothers or sisters, our relationships with them will likely be the longest of our life.

While many siblings become the best of friends, it’s common for brothers and sisters to fight. Sibling rivalry often starts even before the second child is born, and continues as they grow. Certainly a household full of conflict is stressful for everybody. Yet it can be very difficult to figure out how to make it stop and bring peace?

This month’s information sessions at Creating Together were about “Sibling Rivalry”. Parents and caregivers came to receive some information and tips on how to understand and cope with this common, vexing challenge. Below is some information and resources that we reviewed, to support you moving forward.

Signs of Sibling Rivalry

Children under 9 years of age may show these signs:

  • Fighting (verbal or physical attacks)
  • Frustration
  • Demanding attention
  • “Tattling”
  • Regressive acts such as bed-wetting, baby talk, thumb sucking, temper tantrums

Reactions to a new baby

A common cause of sibling rivalry is a new baby in the family. When the baby comes home, other children may:

  • Show anger toward the baby (hitting, kicking, punching, biting)
  • Ask for the baby to go back in mother’s tummy or back to the hospital
  • Demand more attention when the parent is with the baby

Ways to help your child adjust to a new baby

  • Remind each child often that he or she is loved. Let your children know you respect all their feelings, even the angry thoughts.
  • Involve your children in getting ready for the new baby to come home.
  • Tell older children early about your pregnancy to give them more time to prepare.
  • If an older child has to move to a new room, make the move early.
  • Let the older child “help” with baby’s care and be sure to give lots of praise (Picture 2). But, never leave the baby alone with a toddler.
  • Try to work with a toddler on new skills such as toilet training, before the new baby is born.  If this cannot be done, wait a few months after the baby’s birth.
  • If possible, space your children 2 to 3 years apart.
  • If children continue to have problems adjusting, think about getting professional counseling.

What to Do

Sibling rivalry is not all bad. In fact, it can be helpful because it can teach children how to solve problems. Parents should not get too involved in their children’s arguments. Parents cannot force children to get along but they can teach them problem-solving skills and cooperation.

Ways to help your child adjust to a new baby

  • Remind each child often that he or she is loved. Let your children know you respect all their feelings, even the angry thoughts.
  • Involve your children in getting ready for the new baby to come home.
  • Tell older children early about your pregnancy to give them more time to prepare.
  • If an older child has to move to a new room, make the move early.
  • Let the older child “help” with baby’s care and be sure to give lots of praise (Picture 2). But, never leave the baby alone with a toddler.
  • Try to work with a toddler on new skills such as toilet training, before the new baby is born.  If this cannot be done, wait a few months after the baby’s birth.
  • If possible, space your children 2 to 3 years apart.
  • If children continue to have problems adjusting, think about getting professional counseling.

Ways to manage sibling rivalry

  • Be a role model to teach your child positive problem-solving skills.
  • Do not criticize if your child starts acting like a baby again. This will pass as he gets older and begins to accept the new baby.
  • Praise your children to build their self-confidence.
  • Listen to your children’s needs.
  • Spend time with your children to reassure them that they are loved.
  • Avoid situations that may lead to jealousy.
  • Do not “play favorites.” Be fair and consistent.
  • Do not compare one child to another.
  • If the arguing or “acting out” gets to be too much, give yourself a “time out” and get away from the situation.

You’re Not Alone

Don’t forget, you’re not alone. If you need any additional resources or would like to some tips, please speak with one of our staff members at Creating Together and we’d be happy to help.

The Studies

  1. McHale et al., “Sibling Relationships and Influences in Childhood and Adolescence” (Journal of Marriage and Family, Oct. 2012
  2. Richard A. Settersten Jr., ”Social Relationships in the New Demographic Regime” (Advances in Life Course Research, 2007)

10 Self-Care Tips for Moms

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Are you looking for some tips to renew and replenish? You’re not alone.

While children are an immeasurable source of joy and love in our lives, being a caregiver comes with added stress. Often seen as a negative, it’s important to remember that stress is quite simply a reaction to a change or a challenge.

Each mother and caregiver may face unique stressors, but many demands of motherhood and the stressors experienced are basically universal. Time, finances, self-doubt, relationship demands, and loneliness are just some of the stressors at play.

What Impact Does Stress Have on our Lives?

In the short term, stress has its bonuses – it helps you be more alert, and have more energy to get things done. But long-term stress is another story, and can lead to serious health problems down the road.

Did you know that women are more likely than men to report symptoms of stress, including headaches and upset stomach? Women are also more likely to have mental health conditions that are made worse by stress, such as depression or anxiety.

Reference: 1

How to Get Stress Levels Down and Quality of Life Up

Below are some self-care tips to help keep your stress-levels down and your quality of life up:

  1. Sleep. Focus on “sleep hygiene” – simple practices that can help you get a healthy, restorative rest, regardless of the time spent in bed. This means skipping that late afternoon coffee, and creating a digital curfew of 2hrs before bedtime, and using a sleep mask.
  2. Journal. Take 20 minutes a day to write in a free-flowing stream-of-consciousness style. Notice feelings that are just under the surface.
  3. Easy Listening. Listening to relaxing music, a song with a strong message you need to hear, or even some rock and roll you loved in high school.
  4. Mindful Sipping. Make yourself a nice drink like chamomile tea, hot chocolate or juice and sip it slowly.
  5. Get Out. Schedule at least one uninterrupted hour with a close friend. Go out for coffee or a drink, talk on the phone, go out for dinner, or go for a walk together.
  6. Get Active. Go for a walk (High Park or the boardwalk along Lake Ontario are great choices), go to the gym (Masryk-Cowan has a free gym), or start a swimming routine.
  7. Savor. Choose something you’re going to savour instead of just doing it (taking a shower, riding the train, walking, chopping wood, or reading magazine).
  8. Meditate. Try dropping in for the free Sunday Meditation Group put on by Meditation Toronto at St. Paul’s Trinity Church on Bloor. If you can’t pick up the class, you can download this free mantra meditation album, or try this simple one: Close your eyes, breathe deeply, focus on your breath, and repeat “All sounds return to the breath, all thoughts return to the breath, all distractions return to the breath.”
  9. Try Something New: Go someplace in the hood you’ve never been before – a park, the beach, an art gallery, a new route to the grocery store.
  10. Get Support: Try signing up to a program designed to help women with coping, stress, and self-esteem, such as the Peer Learning and Empowerment Group offered at the local Parkdale Community Health Centre.

Looking for more? Check out our Calendar and come enjoy yourself at Creating Together. If you need somebody to talk to, our staff are here for you. If you need additional resources, ask about our resource library designed to help parents and caregivers with different need.

We’re here for you – you’re not alone.

Understanding and Preventing Misbehaviour in Your Children

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Children are not born knowing how to be well behaved, so some help and guidance from parents and caregivers is needed. At the same time, it’s not always an easy job. To help support parents and caregivers in this, we held an information session on June 10th to talk about some behaviour strategies.

Why do children misbehave?

Kids use their behavior to show their feelings and thoughts, often when they have a hard time finding words for them. Responding appropriately requires understanding the underlying cause. Here are a few examples:

  1. Feeling left out / craving attention
  2. Copying behaviour seen by others / from a show
  3. Testing limits
  4. Lacking problem-solving skills
  5. Wanting independence
  6. Having unmet needs (tired, hungry, etc)

How do I prevent misbehaviour?

One great place to start, is to work on preventing misbehaviour in the first place. Here are some tips for preventing misbehaviour in children:

  1. Anticipate a problem before it happens (carry snacks and feed them before they act out, set reasonable limits for play before they begin)
  2. Set up your home and play areas so children are free to play comfortably and safely for their age.
  3. Be clear about what you want and expect from children.
  4. Make a few important rules that you can enforce.
  5. State them in advance.
  6. Listen to your child. Look for signs that show your children’s mood. Recognize feelings.
  7. Repeat the limits you set. Help children remember with reminders such as notes and pictures. Point out choices.
  8. Be a good example.
  9. Be consistent.

And remember, the staff of Creating Together are here to help – if you’d like some support in this, please come to a staff member and we’d be happy to help you navigate your child’s misbehaviour, and support you with some strategies. You are not alone!

Learning More About Autism Spectrum Disorder

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Last month, Creating Together Staff held 2 information sessions on Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), to better equip parents and caregivers with information and resources to better support the children of our communities.

We know ASD is on the rise, and knowledge is key. So, here is some more information from aboutkidshealth.ca, especially for those who were not able to make it to the Information Sessions last month. Should you require any further support or if you’d like to learn more, please reach out to the staff at Creating Together and they would be happy to connect you with resources and support.

What is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a specific set of behavioural and developmental problems and challenges, affecting a child’s communication, social and play skills.

“Spectrum” is used because every child is unique and has their own combination of characteristics that combine to make their own unique profile. As your child grows, the expression of these challenges will change – and usually they have these social / behavioural differences for life.

Characteristics of ASD

Here are a few:

  • Shows little response when you call their name, especially if in preschool.
  • May not respond when others try to talk or play with them.
  • Shows little interest in getting attention from others.
  • Doesn’t point with index finger to show what they are interested in.
  • Shows a lack of interest in toys or plays with toys in an unusual way.
  • May seem moody, irritable, or passive.
  • May suddenly change from being very passive to very irritable in a short period of time.
  • May have difficulty using eye gaze appropriately in social situations.

Prevalence of ASD

ASD is the most common developmental condition, with one in four people having ASD and four out of five of those being male. It affects people from all parts of the world, every social economic background and race.

Possible causes of ASD

There are no specific known causes of ASD, however current studies suggest it may be related to differences in how the brain develops before birth and during the first few years of life.

In some families, there seems to be a pattern of ASD in more than one member of the family. This suggests there is a genetic basis to ASD. At this time, some specific genes have been directly linked to ASD. In most people, ASD is most likely a result of a complex interaction of several genes. These vary among families, and research is ongoing. We do know:

  • ASD is not a mental illness.
  • Children with ASD are not unruly kids who choose to misbehave.
  • Bad parenting does not cause ASD.

What to do if you think your child has ASD?

If you suspect your child has ASD, book an appointment with the family doctor. They may refer your child to a child psychologist who specializes in the diagnosis of ASD.

Diagnosis of ASD

Diagnosing a child with ASD is complex, because the characteristics change over time as your child develops. Best practices for determining whether a child has ASD include:

  • Observing the child.
  • Talking to the parents.
  • Using standardized assessment tools to document development and behaviour.

There are no lab tests for diagnosing ASD, however some lab tests can be helpful to detect other issues such as low iron (causing anemia). Some children may develop seizures and need an EEG to document brain electrical activity before starting seizure treatment.

Treating ASD

There is no medical cure for ASD. However, we are finding ways to help people deal with different characteristics of ASD. With the right treatment, some of the behaviour can be changed. Some medicine can help with low iron levels, with others can reduce symptoms of anxiety.

Children respond well to highly structured, specialized education programs that meet the specific needs of the child. They work best one-on-one or in a small group setting. An effective program would be flexible, and able to change over time while teaching the social communication skills the child needs at each stage of their development. Some examples may include:

  • Behavioural teaching
  • Communication therapy
  • Training in social skills development
  • Sensory motor therapy

Prevalence of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Canada is on the Rise

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A report released last year by the Public Health Agency of Canada was the first “Canadian-made” report to look at the prevalence of Autism Spectrum in our country. It reveals that approximately 1 in 66 children and youth are diagnosed with ASD in Canada. Across participating provinces and territories, for every 1 female diagnosed with ASD, there were 4-5 males diagnosed, and these numbers are on the rise.

Earlier this month, Creating Together staff held an information session on Autism Spectrum Disorder, to shed some light on ASD, share some resources, and offer support for parents and caregivers.

Key topics at the information session include:

  • What is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
  • Characteristics of ASD
  • Prevalence of ASD
  • Possible causes of ASD
  • What to do if you think your child has ASD
  • Diagnosis of ASD
  • Treating ASD
  • Resources for ASD

If you weren’t able to make it on May 9th, please come to the session on May 31st at 10am. Hope to see you there!

Creating Together Parkdale Family Resource Centre

Our mission is to support the healthy social, cognitive, emotional and physical development of children 0 to 6 years and their families. We welcome children aged 0 to 6 years and their families/ caregivers to relax and connect with each other and with the greater communities through our many programs.
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